Most people fell in love with someone for their ability to dance. Ever since he could remember, Lu Han had watched all sorts of dancers on various forums of entertainment - traditional Chinese dancers during school-sponsored theater trips; Jay Chou on a televised concert; jazz performers on the streets of Beijing; Dong Bang Shin Ki on low-quality video stretched to fullscreen on his laptop.
Oh Sehun was, technically, no different. He, like many other dancers Lu Han had encountered, was blessed with fluid grace and a natural swagger that drew the eye. He danced with the confidence of someone far older. It was in Sehun's dancing that his youth, the baby fat in his cheeks melted away, transformed into something dangerous.
Most would posit that it was Sehun's dancing signature - sound, texture and dimension combined - that drew Lu Han to him. It helped, of course, that he was not at all bad-looking. He was, after all, a former ulzzang, a term Lu Han only came to understand when he took a close look at Sehun's sleepy eyes, the set of his mouth, the fall of hair over eyes - and how these features all came together to create a look that Lu Han had never seen before.
However, Lu Han was never one to follow convention. Just because he was a boy didn't mean that he couldn't like Hello Kitty. Just because he was thin and frail-looking didn't mean he couldn't play sports. Just because he could play sports, and be actually good at it, didn't mean he couldn't solve a Rubix in two minutes.
Contrary to convention, Sehun's ability to make him dance stood out among all others, and because of that, Sehun would always be different.
--
It was a combination of hard work and timing. There was no accident with his coming into SMent. Lu Han and the other Chinese trainees were brought in for a specific purpose, he'd been told. There was to be a new group - big number, careful balance of visual, rapper, singer and dancer - and the company planned to debut one or some of them in less than two years, give or take any extraneous circumstances.
Before he could debut - if he could debut at all - he still had to undergo several years of training and pass monthly auditions before higher-ups. He still had a long road ahead.
He, along with a few other Chinese trainees, was quickly introduced to the native Korean trainees. Most of them looked at them with raised eyebrows, impassive faces or in extreme cases, outright derision. He tried not to show too much nervousness - he was afraid that they would sense his fear and pounce on him for it.
As new trainees from another country, and from a different company to boot, they didn't have any special training room. They were mixed in with the Korean trainees, learning the same dances and doing the same vocalizations.
He tried his best to communicate in articulate Korean to make friendly, polite requests, but most of it was met with puzzled looks or even sneers. In those instances, he only sighed, letting it go. He could understand Korean just fine, but he guessed he'd have to work harder to improve his conversational skills.
Just when he was thinking of good sites to download Korean language audio tapes, a boy - tall and with unkempt hair that still look styled with some sort of straightening product - approached him.
"You didn't ask for water earlier," he said simply. "You asked for oranges in a cup."
Lu Han blinked. "I did? Wow, I didn't think my Korean was that bad."
"It's not so bad, you got the verb right," the boy pointed out, smiling. "You're on your way."
Lu Han couldn't help but smile back. "I hope so. I still have a lot to learn."
"If you need any help, you can always ask. From me, or from Jongin," he pointed to another boy stretching at the farthest corner of the room. "I'm Oh Sehun."
Lu Han stood up from the bench and bowed. "Lu Han."
Sehun looked him up and down, seemingly assessing. "How old are you?"
"Eighteen."
Sehun's eyes widened, as if his age didn't make sense. Knowing the general consensus of, well, everyone around him including his family and friends, it probably didn't. "You... don't look eighteen."
Lu Han's smile turned sheepish as he rubbed the bridge of his nose. "Most people think I'm fourteen or fifteen."
"I thought you were fourteen or fifteen. Hyung," Sehun added with a wry grin.
From then on, Sehun would correct him when he made gaffes with his Korean, saying, you're doing an oranges in a cup again, hyung, to which he would reply with a gentle flick on the nose and a long, drawn-out be quiet, dongsaeng.
--
A year later, Lu Han, Sehun and Jongin were put into the same practice group. There was talk that the three of them, along with a few others, were shoe-ins for the company's new group, but there was no way to be sure. Usually there were monthly shuffles, but they'd been dancing together for four months and there was no sign of it stopping anytime soon.
That morning, they were learning an aggressive dance that involved a lot of stomping and jumping. He, along with Yixing, were the only Chinese trainees allowed to take a break since they both had the dance down in less than an hour. The others were not so lucky, and since their choreographer for the day had no patience for his and Yixing's mangled Korean, Sehun and Jongin were called over to demonstrate.
"One, two, three, turn and stomp!" the choreographer screamed. Yixing winced a little beside him, and Lu Han nudged him on the shoulder.
Jongin and Sehun danced together in perfect unison, in sync with the instructions. The way they danced, it was like they could do the routines, sequences and counts in total silence and it wouldn't make much of a difference. The music moved with them, not the other way round.
"Gege," Yixing mumbled, "you're staring. I'm surprised Sehun doesn't have a huge, gaping hole where his skull should be."
"Hmm?"
"I'm serious." Yixing frowned. "This isn't the first time, too."
"I can't believe this! You kids are hopeless!" the choreographer suddenly yelled, throwing hands up in the air and gesturing to the trainees in front of Sehun and Jongin. "Lu Han! Yixing! Get over here!"
Lu Han saw Jongin sighing with relief at finally being able to take a break. Sehun goes over to them and bumps a fist into his shoulder. "Show 'em how it's done, hyung," he said, "looks like we can't get through. Maybe you'll get lucky."
Lu Han and Yixing got into position, and Lu Han saw Sehun give him a thumbs-up.
When he danced, it literally began with his own heartbeat. Once it started pulsating with the music it’ll follow a trail that would begin from the root of his spine, traveling to the blades of his shoulders, until it spread itself on the expanse of his scalp. Despite his love of sports, puzzles and quirky things, it was only music that pricked and tickled his senses in a new way, as if drum and bass awoke the most primal instincts --
A pivot, and pause. Five seconds to let Yixing do the solo.
Sehun was looking at him, watching only him, and then, all sound (including the ones in his traitorous body: heartbeat, bass pounding in his head) was only noise.
And he danced, with the sinking feeling that he wasn't dancing only for himself anymore.
--
Six months before debut, Lu Han took to his old hobby of solving all manner of puzzles. It was partly to ease the nerves, and partly because they learned the same dances almost everyday now, so there was nothing much to do. It was the calm before the storm, he knew - soon the twelve of them would be filming the teasers and music videos, doing photoshoots, and preparing for their showcase and eventual live performances.
Today in the breakroom, he was singing in love with the future you under his breath while solving a Korean crossword puzzle. A shadow eclipsed his view, and when he looked up, it was Sehun holding a water bottle, spots of sweat on his sleeveless shirt. He had grown an awful lot in the past few months; Lu Han could now rest his head on Sehun's shoulder at a comfortable angle even while standing up.
"Some wild bilingualism you got going on there, hyung," Sehun commented, ever the cheeky kid. "Solving a puzzle in one language and singing in another. Your talents are out of my league, as usual."
"Studies show that bilingual people are smarter." Lu Han stuck his tongue out, which he knew made him look younger than Sehun, and pretty much every other teenager in the room. "In the next life you can be born in China too then go train in Korea. That way you get the gift," he said for emphasis.
Sehun laughed, sitting beside him. Surprisingly, he didn't stink - or maybe Lu Han had just gotten used to his smell.
Stop right there, Luhan warned himself. Suddenly the newspaper font seemed interesting.
"What if in the next life I'm reborn as a Hello Kitty doll?"
Lu Han stared. "What."
"I mean it! If people can be reborn as flowers or roaches, why can't they be reborn as dolls?"
"... Did you hit your head?"
"I'm just saying it's theoretically possible," Sehun reasoned with all the cockiness of a kid who didn't know, and believed anything but. "You never considered it? Not even once?"
"There's a difference between liking it, and wanting to be born as... it." Lu Han shudders. "That's like a living doll scenario. You have the creepiest ideas, Sehunnie."
"No, I'm original," Sehun said, mock-proud. "And if I'm reborn as one - Hyung, you have to find me, okay?"
"How would I know it's you? There are billions and billions of Hello Kitty dolls around the world," Lu Han said dryly, but inside he was way amused. Sehun could be such a brat. Endearing, yes, but also demanding.
"What do you mean how would you know it's me?" Sehun echoed, sounding indignant, but Lu Han knew at that point Sehun was just messing with him. "Easy. I'd be the only Hello Kitty doll with mad dance skills." At this he stood up and did the first few steps to Taemin's 'swimming dance solo' in Replay, adding in a few winks and exaggerating the steps.
Lu Han burst out laughing. When he calmed himself, he said, "I'd have to outbid everyone for you! You'll sell for millions if you're a mad dancing doll."
"You better, then!" Sehun countered, petulant. "My doll self wants to belong to no else but you."
Lu Han didn't think he understood that bit right, so he settled for shoving Sehun off the bench.
--
Two months before debut, Sehun asked for his help.
"You don't need me," Lu Han said. It wasn't being modest as much as knowing that Sehun was skilled enough to learn it on his own. "It's just a chair dance. You've done that tons of times."
"I don't need you to teach me, hyung," Sehun explained patiently. "I just need you to look over what I'm gonna do, see if it's okay."
"Ah." Lu Han felt a touch embarrassed. "Okay."
And so there he was, standing with his back to the wall, arms crossed as he watched Sehun perfect the dance he was going to perform for his solo teaser. His semi-defensive stance was a result of him effectively atomising speed, like the drops of sweat on Sehun's neck, and how he could feel every slow degree of heat that was strangely in tune with Sehun's movement.
Damn.
"How was it?"
Sehun's voice cut through his thoughts. Lu Han snapped to attention. "It was good."
"That's it?"
Lu Han sighed. Sehun acted like a huge kid in nearly everything, but when it came to dancing, he was not afraid to face his shortcomings. "You know your own mistakes. You ticked them off earlier, and you improved on it. I don't see what else is there to say."
Sehun stood up and dragged the chair towards the side.
Lu Han frowned. "You're done?"
"I'm not," Sehun said without looking at him, instead he went to the bench and started fixing his duffel.
"Then what are you doing?" Lu Han asked, genuinely puzzled.
Silence was his answer. Lu Han could sense that something in the air had changed. Before he could voice it out, however, Sehun was walking over to him.
"What now?" Lu Han said, bringing himself up to full height from his earlier slouched position. He felt himself flushing at how close Sehun suddenly was.
"You're not watching closely enough, hyung," Sehun said. "But thanks, anyway. See you tomorrow."
And with that said, he walked out of the room, leaving Lu Han wondering what the hell just happened.
--
He made only a few mistakes in the making of the History rehearsal video. The magic of editing and multiple reshoots would eventually delete it, but everyone in the group would be able to see. That of course included their brother sub-group.
"I win," Sehun declared to Jongin. "I told you Yifan-hyung would make the most mistakes. Pay up," he crowed.
"Yifan-hyung, whyyyy," Jongin had whined, then huffed and eventually forked over the won. "I was rooting for you, Jongdae-hyung."
"Thanks for the vote of confidence," Jongdae said with a straight face, but eventually gave in and laughed when Jongin pouted. "It's okay, we were betting too on whether Chanyeol or Baekhyun would mess up more."
Baekhyun whooped happily at his name, elated at outdoing Chanyeol.
"Tonight I'm going to snore so loud your ancestors won't be able to sleep," Chanyeol threatened.
"You were awesome, hyung," Kyungsoo said as he handed over a water bottle. "You, Yixing-hyung and Minseok-hyung were near perfect."
Lu Han smiled. Kyungsoo was sweet and always had a good thing to say about everyone, something he never expected when he first saw him all those months ago. "Thank you," he said, "you were great, too."
"You were," Sehun agreed from behind, startling Lu Han. By the time Sehun moved, Kyungsoo was already on the side, wandering over to Baekhyun and Chanyeol. "But --" and at this he leaned in and whispered in Lu Han's ear, "I saw you losing balance in the second verse. That's one mistake, isn't it?"
Sehun's voice almost made him shiver. It took him a moment to put together an answer. "I thought no one saw that."
"No one mentioned it, so I don't know if they saw it, too." Sehun agreed, and he was so close now, and why oh why was no one else seeing what Sehun was doing? "But I saw it, and now I'm telling you. I guess the gift I have must be eagle's eye, huh?"
Lu Han was saved from having to say anything to that when the choreographer called another reshoot for M.
Sehun nonchalantly walked over to Jongin, and they were laughing together as Lu Han and the rest of M reshot the dance. But Lu Han knew Sehun sneaked glances, and in his head he's counting for mistakes.
Lu Han made sure he danced perfectly.
--
"You have a problem with me," Lu Han told Sehun the next day, after everyone excused themselves for lunch. "I want to know what it is."
"Hyung, you're being silly." Sehun brushed off Lu Han's glare. He probably even found it cute, the way he thought Lu Han working fast fingers on a Rubix was cute. "And I'm hungry. Don't tell me you're not, too."
"I am," Lu Han admitted. "But I don't want this, whatever this is, to go on any longer."
Sehun shook his head. "Everything's okay, hyung. Please, let's eat."
Lu Han sighed, closing his eyes. "Sehunnie," he started, then retracted the affectionate nickname with, "Sehun. We're going back to Beijing soon for promotional activities. We'll be too busy to talk or eat or do anything together. I don't want us to have any bad blood."
"I know," Sehun said. "I know you have to leave soon. But it's not like there's no skype or SMS."
"Yes, but..." Lu Han struggled with how to best express himself at this point. "The real thing is always better. I'll see you in video and wish that it was you, in the flesh, that I'm talking to. I'll see your lives on youtube and wish that I was there in person."
At the last sentence, Sehun's face progressively turned sour. "Why? You don't even really watch. Everything goes over your head."
Lu Han was taken aback at the sudden ferocity in Sehun's tone. "What do you mean?"
"I mean that you don't see the things you should." Sehun moved forward with every word, until Lu Han was effectively trapped into the wall. "The things that are right in front of you. Is it because I'm young that you can't take me seriously? Is it because I annoy you, or tease you too much? Am I too informal?"
"You've always been--" Lu Han started to say.
"What?" Sehun interjected. "Oh, I'm sorry, hyung." He took a step back and bowed a deep ninety degrees. "Am I formal enough now? Can I be taken seriously now?"
"Stop. Just stop." Lu Han slumped against the wall, suddenly feeling weak. "I was going to say that you've always been one of the few people here that I trust and respect. Just because you are your age doesn't mean I think of you any less. I never did, and I never will. That's why I don't understand. What am I not seeing?"
Sehun blew out a stream of air - out of frustration or outright anger, Lu Han didn't know. "I wonder sometimes who's really the older one between us. Aside from the fact that you look at least a year younger than me on any given day, you're really oblivious. Is this a Chinese thing? Is it because we have this language barrier between us?"
"My Korean is almost perfect now," Lu Han responded, not really sure where this was going.
Sehun threw his hands up in the air.
"What did I do now?" Lu Han honestly felt like he didn't deserve any of Sehun's arbitrary ranting.
Sehun's entire body now seemed to sway towards him, and Lu Han's cheeks heated at the lack of distance. From here, he could see the slight shaking of Sehun's shoulders, the way Sehun's breath caught.
When Sehun leaned in and lifted his face with gentle hands, finally he gets it.
--
"Please don't cheat on me with Yifan-hyung in Beijing," Sehun told him seriously, the night before M's departure. "I mean it. I don't care if he's taller and can probably hire Zitao to whoop my ass via MMA. Or if he can beat me up himself, whatever. Just please, promise?"
Lu Han stifled an explosive laugh, the result of which was a cross between a giggle and a snort. Oh, you, he couldn't help but think.
He moved forward, pressing their foreheads together.
"You worry way too much for your age," he murmured, his hand clenching in the material of Sehun's shirt as he closed the gap. |